Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
