I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
