I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
