I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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