How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
