she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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