omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You've changed since you got that strap on
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
