so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
