Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
