my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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