the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
