youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
