Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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