All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
