I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
