i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
