sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
