My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
