i think my mom watched the whole time
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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