There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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