the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
