i think my tv is drunk
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
