it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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