the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
