I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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