we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
