I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
