you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
