Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
