i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
