I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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