I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
