ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
