i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
