I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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