I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
