I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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