just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
