my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
