I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
