Just cropdusted the office
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
