I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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