The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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