you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
