so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
