we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
