And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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