Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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