apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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