Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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