Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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