Your mouth is God's brothel.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
