$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
