It's Friday. Sex?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
