Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
