I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
